but why?it was part of your life. the music. the passion. the adrenaline rush on stage.
why throw it away? why? what about your other band members? after they've established the band's name to this extent? what about Boys of Summer?
i may not understand your reasons now but i will soon,and hopefully they will too. because its your decision and its your life. at the end of the day, no one has a say to what you want to do right? im just... shocked. they all are.
still, just to let you know, im here and will always be here,love.
yesterday night. i shouldnt had bother, shouldnt i? i just recalled what you told me months ago, when we were on that sofa, watching tv. and i thought maybe, maybe this was the right time to approach you because i still care. you're suffering. i know. i want to see you happy with someone new too. to be happy like me. to be able to still feel loved. "retribution", one of my dearest friends said. even if it is, i feel wrong to be laughing gleefully,knowing the tables are turned back at you. you're feeling exactly what i was feeling months ago. and that feeling sucked,no matter how much you deny it. i just wanted to help. but since you want to shut me out then its okay. and yes, im over you. but you're still part of me, somewhere, just so you would know.
down memory lane
Jurong Bird Park.years years ago. when my bro was still the cheena one. and i was the menace. and my sister was the cutest kitten ever(now shes just a brat.LOL). and my father with his big glasses. wooot.more memory lane pictures to come. watch this space =)
staying home today. cooked nasi lemak.
jadi kau! haha worth my sweat going sheng siong in a mad rush because i woke up during lunch. no good. and there's
Fauzie Laili tonight! *giggles like mad* although no dimples can beat mr dimples' dimples. just in case he reads this and goes "tak habis2 si budak anugerah tu" heh.
come away with me..
5:21 PM
forgy?yesterday mr AZ treated me Lords of Dogtown. thanks man. cool show. very raw. for those who have caught it,i like ray. ray's body's hot. heh. we ate at that place near masjid sultan again. he finally got his toseh after 1 month! phew. hmmmmmm..
sunday's night was surreal. no more comments. you know, i know =) sunday's night was like saturday's afternoon. saturday was awesome. with witches,red riding hood and the twelve dancing princesses, what else could i ask for? *grins and hugs*
hmmmmmm...Sunday's day went to nenek's house with my family. nice family day. been long since the whole family went out like that. i love them to bits.
pixxy(malas mau edit ah)
me and my hot momma
the crazy family
so there you have it. meet my zany wacky family. especially with father the Tuk Selampit around. family. *sighs* go appreciate yours too okay?
oh yes, thank you to boytoy who accompanied me to hand in that horrible MMI assignment last friday. even lizzy thinks he's so boyboy. LOL.
To end, take note,
im devastatingly broke. hence, the people who ask me out to movies, they will treat willingly and nicely too. so, yeah. do your part. ahahahaaha
*scoots to bathe*
notedays are certainly busy. but you still have time to contact me. that, im grateful. lovely to hear that voice. counting down to weekends again!
come away with me..
11:11 AM
this morningthis morning i heard from someone i've not heard/seen for a very long time.
that brought a genuine smile onto my face, to know that its impossible to snip someone special out of your life like that,no matter what shit you've been through with the person. sometimes, it helps to just reminisce the good times. the someone also remembers my birthday falls on a sunday =)
which reminds me,
October coming,9th october to be precised, so start saving now, my dear friends! hahahahahaha.
Btw, why are mooncakes so frigging expensive? arghh damn. why am i broke? arrghh. and i've got too many stuff this coming weekend too. i listed down the possible outings/events to my sis who then sarcastically suggested i might as well stuff the sweet's wrapping paper she was holding, into my nose and stay at home till next monday. ???? what a sour grape. heh.
we did something crazy yesterday's afternoon, which really cheered me up because yesterday was simply horrible. everything screwed up. all thanks to my assignment and a printer's cartridge. gees.
check out what we gila sisters came up with the link below :
http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=3164472i've decided what to do this weekend anyway *grins*
Have a good one, people!
We're caught in a moment...
And i won't let it go,
i am falling deeper, losing my control...
Involved in a feeling,
Like the blink of a eye..
And the silence it belongs to you and i
Sugababes - Caught in a moment.(hey you. i'll find your 23 year old supermodel for you. but if i do, i would lose you instead. so maybe i shouldnt. book out soon pleaaase?)
come away with me..
11:33 AM
my God i've forgotten how bloody murder assignments are.
after poly, i just thought, hey! im done with them! nanny nanny poo poo. because i didnt plan to further study straightaway you know?
right.im having a major splitting headache now. i was okay when i started this at 7am plus?
i was hyping away like a chirpy duck to mr Dimples when he called.
now? im just. bleaaaaaah.
and DONT ask me when i had my full meal. *growl*
so well,i decided to take a break and edit some pictures taken during the weekends.
met up with my mama chica finally =) *loves you* we raided bugis and town. she tried on boots! hot boots! but we both agreed how lamely non-winterly singapore is. bah. so no boots, no mittens, no wooly hats, no fancy scarfs. bah.
pictures *grins*
wait, there's more!
what a "family" day yesterday was. my nenek last minute wanted to go out so my initial real family day was cancelled. and mother was too tired to get new contacts. so in the end, went cwp with emodize for my assignment materials. then, jeng jeng jeng!
you made a real grand entrance by stepping on my sandal from behind *rotfl* i was so tickled. your brother is SUPERRRRR CUTEEE la. so shy of me. LOL!
so yeap. we took neo-prints, courtesy of my sis' treat. must mention this very important fact. OR ELSE. heh.
senget lines courtesy of *coughs* this one i cant mention. *winks*
very visual post eh today.
perception of camera-whorism.
heh.
before i get back to that horrible assignment, i want to say thank you to lizzy for the bugis rendezvous, mermaids again we shall become soon aye babe! *hugs*
and to boytoy for being a great friend =) ice-kachang, soon okay? go get that sentosa job first, $1.50 entrance fee for me and my girls if there's such a thing.
special note:
"Nothing you confess, could make me love you less ... "
I'll Stand by you - Girls Aloud.
counting down to the weekends again, just to see that smile of yours. come away with me..
3:02 PM
of changi airport and chocolate balls.
yesterday went deliciously well.
kinah's bangla colleague was hilarious. he was fascinated by the "colouring" on my eyelids. LOL. kinah looks as hot as ever. hani's earrings are gorgeous. my skirt didnt stained. and the swenson's manager flirted cornily. heh. what else is new?
evidence we raided the airport yesterday are as below:
Kinah is so going to kill me for the last picture. heh. Love you ladies!
The weekends are finally here, whaddya know =) my sensorial's assignment is due next week. damn. at the moment, im chatting to 5 people while typing it. and so far, i've got lots of typos on both sides. blee. i've this craving to bake cookies. hmm. but after the "Blackout Brownies" incident, i dont think father would let me touch the oven ever again. oh well.
special note:
you calm the storms,and you give me rest..
you hold me in your hands...
you won't let me fall..you still my heart,
and you take my breath away...
Lifehouse - Everything, for the dimpled one who deserves it most. hope to see you very soon =)
final note.
i heard that you still care. pour qoi? i dont get it. no matter how much i want to throw you out of my life, i cant. because of who i am today, there are still traces of you and the impact you made to me in the past. you still linger in me, no matter what. your darkest secret still stays in me and ive not told a single soul about it. because it still hurts and i still care too, no matter how much i keep denying that. you simply cant be replaced. thats a lifetime fact. thank you for being in a phase with me. im loving someone new now and i love him very much. i still get jitters of the past though. that he could break me like how you did. but this time round, i know that he's not you. he is nothing like you. you and him are worlds apart. the only similiarity is the amount of love radiating from the both of you. he loves me as fiercely as you did. and with that, i know ive nothing to be afraid of. but its nice to know that you're still out there, looking out for me. and i thank you for that. hope you're happy with what you're doing now. hope you've acheived the goals you told me before. God bless. Have a good weekend,all! come away with me..
4:44 PM
cramp-ology.
wow. friendster is getting real serious eh. "now customizable with HTML, CSS, or your favorite music and video!" what on earth. i bet you, people will start competing with their own html/css profile pages. faling snowflakes la. flash animation whooshing across the page la. multi colour scrollbars la. hisssh. and friendster will not be a friends' reunion thingy but a big rivals' one. very sad.
sometimes people want to be on top there with the rest of the tech-savvy community, getting this and that add-ons, upgrading this and that till they neglect to see how enthralling the moon's cold smile is. or how assuaging the raindrops sound. modern technology and inventory seem evil at times if you think about it. but then again, without it, i wouldnt be typing here, conveying this to you, million of acres away from home. so yeap. you lose some, you gain some eh.
and oh, check this out.
"It wasnt falling that killed a person, but stopping at the end of that fall. It seemed to me that Life itself was a fall, and Death comes when we run out of space to fall through and hit the ground."
- extracted from The Triple Death by Ken St Andre.
hmm. go figure.
my fast lasted in a mere 10 mins this morning. at 5:05am, at the kitchen table.
i was complaining to my mum how my stomach hurts. then i'd joked, what if my period decided to make a grand entrance eh? and damn it did. at 5:50am, in the toilet, to quote me "Arrgghhhhh" .
and i've planned yesterday to wear that white skirt later today to meet the ladies at the airport. semangat tau plan. even bought 2 new tops to go along with it. now im having doubts. periods and white skirts dont go well, common sense. unless .. hm. hmmm. ah, bollocks. might as well =) cant wait to meet them later *beams beams* cant wait to tell them how my halterneck top's string broke in the train too. yeay yeay. and with ms Shakinah Khan around, there's guaranteed to be lots of other embarassing, stomach-splitting humorous stories. heh.
and i've decided. mr dimples,you are everything. the rest are just friends whom i'll cherish. and will be friends till God knows when. but you? you are that particular someone that never fails to make me smile when i look at you. you, i can never run out of intelligent conversations with. and we dont have to plan anything. we just go with the flow. we dont have to be attached to be in love.
Theory yet to be proven.
no commitment, no bond, no contract = no break-ups.
right? right. *smiles crazily*
okay before i go, cam-whore time.
went to makan last week with the boytoy. yes, finally you guys get a sneak preview of him.
say hi to the boytoy.
girls, if you're interested, do let me know =) heh.
he has designer hair okay. i think i did stressed that out in some earlier post. read 3rd September's one.
im out from here!
Changi Airport, here i come!
come away with me..
12:21 PM
i've many things to shout out but today,im going to highlight only one.
this is really very important to me and i hope it reaches on time.
Ode to an angel
I would like to say again,my friend
Thank you for reminding me who i am.
Thank you for reminding me the people who've made who i am today.
I would never had make it through my poly days without you.
You showed me the power of lipgloss.
We laughed and skived together.
We even became mermaids in the seas of Sentosa.
You taught me how to not bow to the evildoings of men.
To stand strong against them no matter how they bring you down.
You know how important and special you are to me.
I'll be lying if i dont think about you.
Where you are, what you're doing.
Are you laughing with a friend outside that IndoChine seat we
used to spend our time talking about everything under the sun?
But just loving and missing someone wont do much
if you dont do anything about it.
And im at fault for that.
Im sorry, my friend.
And not in a million years am i going
to throw away this friendship just like that.
Aint no other girls can replace you ever.
Because you are you,
and being you was the reason why
you're one of the people who got so closeto my bare soul.
Give me a chance to show how i appreciate you, babe.
Things wont be the same but at least we can look back in 5 years time and tell ourselves that we tried.
So come and fly back here, angel.
I'll be waiting.
{ old skool us, a year ago }
In life, there are phases you have to go through. and as you move on from the past to the next, there will be people who either stay or walk away. those who leave may had loved and cherished us and we were too blind to coax them to stay. or they chose not to no matter how hard we tried because they have other people to love, other people to spend their phases with. and those who stay continue to love and cherish us but we are too blind to appreciate them for their existence. and as a result, they walk away and we lost an important part of ourselves. then the cycle of phases start again.
Assignment for todaySo stop for a moment today and grab a piece of paper and pen. then write down the names of people who have made big impact on you, who have left or who have stayed despite the flaws in you. Revise and think of why they are/were there in your life. Then well, you know what you should do afterthat aight? right.
okay im out of here.
come away with me..
1:52 PM
The Longest Yard kicked ass big time.i had a blast laughing till my sides hurt. which was a bit unbearable because my bladder was full. and the loo tested my patience big time. all the same, to those who are planning for a great weekend, do include Longest Yard in your to-do list aight?
yesterday was crazy. so many special sound effects. we were like five year old kids whooshing through town. and thanks to my company, who has this flair of convincing and psychoing people like some salesman(and he's REAL GOOD at it, okay)i got myself a
white skirt. yes, the horror! which is a first because i rarely buy/wear white. hmmm. so yeay, i've got a personal fashion advisor. heh.
and heyyyy, i've finally met the punkrockbear. adalah sama macam abang dier. cute cute. pimp habis. haha. the yishun studio looks the same the last time i saw it. hmmmm. they should consider making life-sized mirrors in those jamming rooms. macam dance studio. cool. or hang real zen lamps. or candles. naah. heh.
my stomach's growling. have to bayar puasa today thats why. have forgotten how the puasa sensation feels like. woke up and almost poured myself a glass of water. and its next month! wow. cant wait to meet kinah and her wacky EI gang tomorrow. and yes, shopping too =) just name the word "shopping" and i'll light up like a glowing jellyfish in the black sea. heehee.
looking forward to more crazy sessions with you.
come away with me..
3:26 PM
I DONT THINK IM OKAY.(read: very long post. please skip if you're already having a headache.)
im stuck at a congested junction. one path leads to a white sandy beach. the other path leads to a hill with a starry sky. one path leads to the blackiest void of nothingness. another one leads to dancing naked in the magical forest.
i dont even know what im talking about seriously.
i dont know what the hell i've been doing the past few weeks. i think i've frolicked around too much. i had too much fun. overloaded blithe. so much so that i got too blind and careless. breaking this, creating that, mending nothing.
as a result, i feel like i did nothing but trouble. too much trouble. too much pain. instilled too many false hopes and expectations in people who really care about me.
maybe i was wrong about finding the good men. because after finding them, all i do is wreck them. am i really that cruel? am i doing this to get back to the one who broke me hard? or is this a phase of rebellion? a sign of independence? or misanthropy?
to recall a past entry,
"and another thing, i should STOP playing around. its fun testing here and there.but not fun anymore when im dealing with someone else's feelings.
just because i miss the affections i used to get pamper with, that i cant get what i want, that to me, lust is the answer now to broken love, the last thing i should do now is to jeopardize friendships. not everyone thinks like i do and i should get that fact right into my thick emo head.
doesnt mean a man breaks you damn hard, you have to break every single nice man out there for revenge. that only happens in hindustani movies. this is reality."Questions.
is this really a phase? will it pass? when will it pass? when am i ready to settle down and stop this nonsense?
to say "i love you" and really mean it? will you still be there when i come crying to embrace you after years of games? what if you have another to love? should i damn myself for being too late and dumb? who is really our significant other? how do we know that we have chosen the right one? how do we know that he is the one who will stick by us till our white hair falls off strand by strand? who can you really trust your heart and body to? who should you lose your virginity to? is your husband really the one you should be sharing the passion with? what if afterthat he cheats you behind your back?
Stop.
enough questions already.
went JB two days ago. bought baju raya! Haha! you wouldnt believe what me and my sister got. old school giler. kebaya batik. macam nak kerja kat java massage parlour LOL. mother doesnt want to face shopping decision crisis during fasting month. good. i dont think i want to face causeway jams either. the First Lady at kota raya is one extravagant place. coolness. even had seats by the windows for us children to wait while mother tried her stuff. heh. one ramly burger wasnt enough sey. we took pictures in the 170 bus. heh.
i love my sister to death.mr Cig picked me up from work yesterday for the first time. nice bachelor car. yep. but i still prefer bikes. heh. oklaaaaa. dah dapat free ride might as well be appreciative. heh. went to the new national library on saturday with mr dimples. nice place, except that you cannot bring a whole bag into the reading section. like wtf. security is tight. like who in the right mind wants to bomb a library? shee. went sentosa with boytoy afterthat. the feeling of sand through my toes was really relaxing. so long since ive been there. i miss eliz. in fact i miss all of my girlfriends. enough guyfriends already. this saturday, we'll rock the shopping heaven down,babe. we're going shoppingggggggg yeayyyyy.
I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANY LIFE DECISION NOW. i dont want to choose between you and you and you and you. i dont want to lose anybody. leave me like this for the moment. but dont you go. please stay. please? i want to waste some time with you.
come away with me..
1:22 PM
im in a hot fix.will update more.
come away with me..
1:19 PM
(
note:Please skip this chunky paragraph if you like to. thank you.)
so my assumptions that time were true afterall.
my god, how slick you are. all those words you told me were fucking excuses to get rid of me, to fasten the pace to replace me with another. i was just a stupid weeny catalyst. well, *applause* bravo, "policeman". you pulled it off well. i didnt see it through that time. i thought the world of you. i goddamn cried for you. i thought you really really loved me. you told me i was everything, i was too perfect. well screw all that. you are indeed a mastermind of all lies and deceit. you're bloody good at that. your words are all lies. how maliciously slick a man can be? i pity the other who comes after me, who comes after her and so on and so forth. almost three bloody years i wasted. three fucking years of what? love? no. of lies and pretense. well you know what? you told me you didnt want to hurt me anymore so you suggested oh-so gallantly that we should be separated. oh, how i fell for that sympathetic tone of yours. i believed YOU, dammnit. well guess what? you've ended up hurting me like never before. bravo, bravo. i so do not want to have anything to do with you anymore. you was never in my past. and i hope we will never cross our paths in the future again. to me, you dont exist. because if you do, you're just a reminder of how weak a woman can be when it comes to love. of how a man can easily break you, snap snap, just like that. you go your way, i go my way. leave it like that forever and i'll be the happiest woman on earth.-----------------
that was a morning shoutout.
God, you've no idea how relieved and better i feel after saying that out. *breathes out calmly* and i dont give a damn if he reads this or not. let him be embarassed or whatever. see if i care. he didnt care when he embarassed me in front of my friends last time. so ? for what? it wont change anything. i just hope that he'll change, you know? God knows how many other women out there he's gonna break. urgh just the thought of it makes me frigging disgusted. but im glad i came out from that nightmare. im okay. im good. im cool. something good always comes out from something bad.
and i still believe in true love. no man will bring me down that low no more. you know that marion raven song's Break You. ah, perfect song right now =)
anyway anyway, on a really good side, Boytoy if you're reading this, ahahaha, thats a really short and sweet post. thanks yeah,i had a great time too =) your cute designer hair looks the same in your pictures sey, haha! except the back part is longer. heh. i hope ive converted you into a subway cookie fan heh. next time, JB you say? insya allah. get the green bike quick, then we can go eat satay in JB as early as 3am lol. if you can psycho my father to let me, that is. ahahaha.
and mr Punk. kau merepek ar telephone aku bile aku tengah2 jiwang pat esplanade. ingatkan aper emergency call. chey.hahaha. biler masa aku owe kau frappucino ni?! my mocha frappe, you punk! jangan lupa okays, sampai mati aku takkan lupe, haha.
to Kinah babe, tell viknash i cannot marry him la. what the. ahahahaha. i know he has gotten his pink card finally. he even said he doesnt care about the prata man who has chop me for marriage. giler ar dier hahahaa. flirt 24 hours, tak habis2 lol. do organize that gathering you're talking about,yeap babe, cant wait to see everybody again.
and to ms elizabeth djong aifen. i miss you, i really do, babe. looking forward to seeing you *hugs*
then finally, mr Dimples. thank you. there are so many things i want to say to you but i rather say it to you in person so that i can see those twinkling eyes and that lovely smile. i dont have to say the words, you know it when i just look at you without a reason. and dont ask me "What?" la. hahaha spoiler.
and to the bloggers especially uncle sha, LOL, i'll try and do something about the tagboard yep. thanks for the email btw, very nice of you, made me really paisey =p thank you, you for reading this post to this very end.
have a great weekend!
*grumbles* got to bathe for work. urgh.
come away with me..
7:24 AM
i therefore come to a conclusion that no one else reads this blog except me.hahahaha. oh what does it matter? not at all. i know you're too shy to tag. maybe my tagboard is a big scary human-eating monster. *looks at it now* well, maybe. maybe the greyness and the blackness of the whole form brings shivers to your spine. and the blue emoticons come flying menacingly to you during sleepless nights. heh.
but heck, ill still continue to post my blabbering rubbish here =) i have been blogging for myself for lets see,almost 3 years now? and okay sometimes i blog to relay messages to certain people, fine fine hahaha.
going out later. with a boytoy. LOL. if he reads this, im dead. but before i die, maybe i should suck up for subway cookies.. hmmm. okayLA! enough sucking up to the guys for subway cookies. on second thought, someone still owe me a mocha frappe. wonder if hes purposely forgetting it.. hmm. see see, i do blog to shout out to certain people to remind them about "important" stuff haaa.
but anyway, yesterday i got my cheese prata(finally) and a big ice kachang to go too =) thank you mr dimples. they say to win a man's heart, you gotta go through his stomach. well screw that sexist statement because i think its quite true for me too. heh. must one be attached/bonded to enjoy the sweetness of love? this question likes to wander around in my head. a few entries ago, i did say im not ready for commitment, didnt i? so im going to stick to that vow for the moment. im glad you understand. *hugs*
HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!to the teachers who had conquered all the nonsensity of the kids, we love you lots!
come away with me..
10:45 AM
